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More dogs should do like Beowulf and Tinsley, two highly educated Boston Terriers who love Simp so much, they sent us email to tell us how much they loved the site. Before Simp, they had a really hard time surfing the web in a never ending quest for fun websites they could waste time on while their owners were away.

We used to try and find sites with bones and other things dogs like, but whenever Beowulf would enter terms like "Bitches" and "Bones" in the search thingy, these awful naked human sites would pop up.

The worst of it is, we didn't want to be there, and we didn't want the owners to suspect what we had been up to. Unfortunately, one day, the older male human came in and saw there was a little purple gorilla trapped in his computer, and then when he tried to surf the net, the page opened up on a nudie picture of a woman kissing a man upside down.

We narrowly escaped detection that time, but I'm sure the younger male human "Bobby" will not forget that day, sad Tinsley, still visibly shaken by the incident. We heard all sorts of screaming coming from Bobby's room, added Beowulf.

The little purple gorilla is still on the family computer, I know because I hear the adult male screaming at it every night, and of course, because we still look at websites ourselves, but at least now, we don't have to worry about pop-up thingies and other tell-tale signs we were using the computer because Simp provides us with a one-stop fun center we can use time and time again.

I really liked the Gross Outs page, because it's the kinda thing dogs can appreciate. I wouldn't recommend the site to cats, because there are too many bugs crawling around on the screen, and they could end up scratching it.

The point to all this?

The nude lifeless statue of a woman was found late yesterday afternoon by Mildred Peckwhite of Pleasant Falls, OH. She immediately alerted the local authorities who were at a loss to determine the statue's identity. What puzzled the police even more was the unusually large number of prints which they lifted off certain parts of the body. "It could take months before we identify the culprit", said Sheriff Tommy Oswipe. "It's not clear what happened, but someone must have put her there", added deputy John Thomas, who also told reporters "This sort of filth will not stand, we're going to clean up this park and put things back the way they were!"

Nude, lifeless woman found in park!