Simp Novelties

Going slowly where no one has gone before...		Click here if you need to get out fast!
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Nasty Candy Tastes great at first then WOW! Your friends (ex-friends?) won't suspect a thing. Horrible tasting centers. Great tasting outer coating slowly melts away then lookout!

Garlic for Tots! Yes, your child will definitely make an impression on any visiting relatives. Just feed your baby one bud, and watch the fun begin. -5 cloves $3.00	*Remove Body Hair the old-fashioned way!* In fact, our product is so effective that you'll also be able to remove, heads, arms, legs, and other body parts for discrete disposal. -1/2 off $5.00	SQUIRREL vs CAT? Meeeowwtch! Our squirrels are specially bred to large sizes so they will have a fighting chance against your house pets. -1 mutant squirrel $25.00
*Miserable Dog Face Mask* So lifelike, you may end up at the pound! Actually, it's made from the real face of a real dog that was at the pound... Maybe now, this dog will finally get the love and attention he deserved. -Only $50.00
	*Electric Dad* Robot father for kids whose real dads are out drinking and doing other bad things. This one stays put in his chair, and radiates a warm glow. - $150.000 (one per household)	Stink Drink Something isn't right with daddy's cocktail tonight. Maybe it was that "concentrated skunk essence pellet" you dropped in just before he grabbed it... -10 loads $2.00
Peter Rabbit he ain't! Carefully selected from the top breeders' reject list, this rabbit is sure to bite, crap in your hat, and escape -really cheap, $1.00		Freeze Dried Stretchy Raccoon bits. Which bits they are remains a closely guarded secret -Free if you can guess what they are.

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